Bearing News
Art by Isabel Thoroughman
Art by Isabel Thoroughman

Red, white, flu: dangerous vaccines are ruining America

America, please stop hurting children. As a nation that proudly stands for freedom — that fights for it — you sure do brutalize kids and jeopardize the future of life itself so much. Children receive the punishment of America’s immoral choices because politicians continuously ignore nationwide acts of hate. Despite your nation’s protests this past year, you continue to recklessly endanger children. Please, end this cruelty now before the next generation perishes as well and also blindly succumbs to your tyrannical beliefs. Please, quit vaccinating children.

It is unethical to require immunization of every child born into this country. Just because a few policymakers voted vaccinations were essential to the prevention of diseases does not make it legitimate. Political figures are versed in law, not medicine; the saying is “Doctor’s orders,” not “Senate’s orders.” Lawmakers do not know what is best for the health of all American people — they don’t even have PhDs.

What’s best for the country is removing the regulation of immunizations. Vaccinating a child should be a lifestyle choice, not a requirement for living itself. For years, a myriad of powerless families has only watched as doctors pricked their newborn babies with an endless array of needles. Denying those families of their right to choose their children’s future is cruel and unsympathetic. It’s un-American.

As a heterogeneous nation preaching the ideals of individualism, America, you should understand the moral and significance of personal preference and free will. The Founding Fathers forged you from these values. Have you forgotten? Stealing newborns from their mothers upon birth and forcing unwanted medicine into their bodies to instill irreversible effects does not mirror your ideology. Renouncing individuality in an attempt to solve a problem the wrong way is plain stupid.

There is no harm in allowing parents to determine their child’s immunity. Most of the diseases barely exist anymore anyway. Like the dinosaurs and civil wars, polio, yellow fever and tetanus have pretty much gone extinct; there have been no epidemics of these illnesses for decades. And it’s no secret that the 2014 “measles outbreak” at Disneyland, California was a marketing ploy by DreamWorks in order to get more park-goers to Universal Studios.

Even if the illnesses had a sudden comeback, they’ll be isolated cases and won’t affect many people thanks to the process of herd immunity. When at least one person has been vaccinated for a specific disease in a community, the vaccine will also act and protect everyone around that person. Children do not need immunization if their parents have already received them; immune parents, by living with their kids, create an invisible bubble that surrounds the child and wards off all harmful bacteria in the air. The bubbles expand from person to person as people walk past each other on the street or sit by each other at a restaurant. As long as one person in a city has gotten an antibody for each disease, as their bubble will extend from person to person, everyone is safe.

Besides, even if an individual contracted a disease, treatment for any illness is excruciatingly simple. For instance, acupuncture with porcupine quills can cure the common cold, a person can regrow severed limbs by concentrating really hard and drinking herbal teas at 3:00 a.m. outside of a Taco Bell reverses the symptoms of every STD. There is no disease that can’t be stopped with a little hot yoga, a kale diet and an unwavering, JoJo Siwa positive attitude. The government is up in arms about the significance of vaccinations, yet no illness reaps horrible consequences because every disease is so easily defeated. It’s not like getting tuberculosis or smallpox has ever killed anybody.

The biggest worry now is not contracting these diseases, but citizens exercising their innate right to manifest destiny. America, release your totalitarian grip on society and allow them to have a say in their own lives.

Everyone, please stand up against vaccines. Uncle Sam is corrupt for enforcing unnecessary medication onto innocent infants. Take your children to Antarctica where no government exists and live peacefully until America makes amendments. That’s the only way to survive.

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1 comment

Brandon Kim March 18, 2019 at 6:01 pm

This is a great satire! Good title too.

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