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Got issues? Just blame Obama

The fake news will do anything to make Barack Obama seem like an angelic creature. I mean, can you blame them? Deep down, those loony liberal lunatics know that their former president — their divine, so-called “impeccable” leader — was nothing but a presidential loser, but they will never admit it.

Truth be told, Obama’s terrorizing, gut-wrenching impact is being felt even after his presidency, so in the following paragraphs, we believe it is necessary to highlight exactly how Obama tore down America into a joke of a nation.

But beware, fellow humans: some examples of Barry’s diablerie may be too shocking for us to even comprehend.

Let’s face it: Obama was soft when it came to political issues, such as immigration. With his forgiving entry policies and sickening leniency on illegal aliens, it seemed he just wanted such menacing, lethal monsters to disperse throughout the country. I mean, how could anyone imagine something as satanically insane as allowing these dangerous, third-world hooligans like Mexicans, Muslims, Syrian refugees and immigrants to enter our pristine nation of bourgeois intellectuals? All they do is steal our precious jobs, hurt the economy and incite violence against innocent Americans, all while claiming they are “tired and poor” and other nonsense; yeah, right. Americans should credit Obama for this mess, for there is no other individual capable of allowing something so wicked to happen. Thanks, Obama.

But why stop at just politics? The former president’s antics surely don’t end there. Remember that one time Obama got so happy-go-lucky, he went vacationing at a Hawaii beach? Yes; back in 2009, the very man tasked with leading the greatest nation in the world had the audacity to go on a family vacation, strolling in the waves while shamelessly showing off his shirtless and “presidentially sexy” figure. It’s shocking how little criticism he received for “chilling” in the sand and spending vacation with his wife and kids.

I mean, we depended on this man, and instead of working 24/7 in the Oval Office to prepare for his presidency, he finds it acceptable to take a day off on the seaside? Unbelievable. This nonchalant attitude is the reason we are still a joke and why Kim Jong Un treats us like a salty ex. Thanks, Obama.

We Americans also have many personal matters which permeate our daily lives, whether it be social issues or family problems. Now, surely Obama couldn’t have any connection with such petty troubles, right? Wrong. For example, let’s not forget that one time you asked your crush out on a steamy date. You thought it was going well; it seemed you had dazzled her with your Prince Charming-esque character, and she was clearly into you, too. Alas, she rejected you.

How? Obviously, ominous Obama is to blame, and it’s hardly a surprise. Jealous of your success with the ladies, he secretly injected an illusory venom into your brain, crushing your aura and making your mere presence grotesque; all while having a massive grin on his face. So she changed her mind and said, “You’re not my type.”

Ouch, son. Somehow, No. 44 always finds a way to ruin the basic balance of life. Thanks, Obama.

At this point, it should be obvious. Obama, with his fiendish vibes and deceptively cunning charisma, is to blame for America’s demise, along with everything else possibly present in the world.

In fact, never mind trivial and unnecessary solutions such as diplomacy or mature dialogue — we Americans must continue blaming Obama for anything and everything that life can possibly throw at us. After all, that what’s making America great again, right? According to our beloved President Trump, this nation is at a pinnacle of success like no other, and that’s all thanks to his kind-hearted and honest nature — shower the man with all the praise you can.

But remember, if life gives you lemons, never forget the golden rule to remain safe from No. 44: when in shock, blame Barack.

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